the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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