and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
