hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm really busy with my period
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