were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wear drunk well.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
