the condom got lost in my hair
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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