I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
