you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
