his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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