This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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