my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
