Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
