I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
