I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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