im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
