There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
