No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
