I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I did not marry a roomba.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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