oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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