I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
