why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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