Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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