If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
