I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
