Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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