Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
