When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
