Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
