proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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