if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
