How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
