dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
