oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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