Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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