did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
