in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
