I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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