last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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