He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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