So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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