its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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