Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize