hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
