That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
not ubering you a puppy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
