Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
