it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's the barista slut.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
