Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm at about main and main street
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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