and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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