The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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