stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
