I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
