I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
