they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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