Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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