i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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