Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
