So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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