does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
