2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
even my farts smell like vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
