Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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