my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
