yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
