So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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