There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
