if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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