If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
