Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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