is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
