Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
