It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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